my writing

i am not the girl i was three years ago. do i want to cut yes, but i won't, not again at least i keep saying that . am i happy i used to think that. do i want to be dead, at the moment yes, just cuz i miss so many people i can't stop them from dying on me. i want so many stuff that i can't have. do i want to be engaged yes, but that won't happened cuz i'm a fucking screw up, i got scared that he asked me to marry him and i ran. i screw up everything why does someone want to be with someone like that. i screwed up my family, my life everyone around me, i should just not be alive...im fucking stupid useless kind of person, that should have never been born, and according to my mother  "worthless piece of shit of a child daughter that she wished didn't should even be born. useless, a screw up a whore, no good of a person" anything that was in the book she called me, like that is how you put someone who is suicidal in the dumps even more. like wtf mom i thought you loved me. the only person that really cared for me died and now i have no one that cares about me.